Valentine’s Day is a really, really bad idea. Oh, I know there are loads of crap ideas out there; the person who invented Pop Tarts without considering the lethal jammy napalm they turn into heated; Simon Cowell’s very existance; renting a room from Fred West- all bad. But these ideas come and go. West got banged up forever in the 90s, Pop Tarts will one day stop being made and Simon Cowell will eventually collapse under the weight of his own evil karma.
But Valentine’s Day... Valentine’s Day just chunders on and on, year in year out, a horrible reminder to the single that they’ve lost at life, and to couples that they hate the idiot they lumbered themselves with.*
And it happens in bloody February. A VERY COLD MONTH. Snow, frost, wind, sleet and rain are not sexy. Blue noses, chilblains and rampaging flu are not sexy. If we could just switch Valentine’s to a balmy day in August, and only allow it to happen in a place heaving with fit, lusty, open minded people, (not actually 100% we’ve got one of those in England, but we can sort out the details later) then we’d be half way towards sorting out this mess.
Until then, we present 10 great break up songs. This is for everyone who hasn’t got someone to love/ fantasise about/ stalk mercilessly on this day of cloying saccharine emotional dross... Hear em and weep. I’ve kindly plucked some of the bitterest/ meanest lyrics from each to really ram the point home. Let’s get miserable!
*obviously this doesn’t apply to me. I’m happily married, my every day blessed to be spent with the blooming flower of my heart. It’s you poor slobs I’m talking about.
10. Buzzcocks – Ever Fallen in Love
You make me feel like dirt// And I’m hurt// And if I start a commotion// I’ll only end up losing you// And that’s worse.
9. Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
We only said good-bye with words// I died a hundred times//You go back to her//And I go back to black
8. The Beatles - Girl
She's the kind of girl who puts you down when friends are there// You feel a fool// When you say she's looking good she acts as if it's understood// She's cool
7. The Smiths – I Know its Over
"If you're so funny// Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever// Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining// Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good looking// Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know because tonight is just like any other night//That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms// While they are in each other's arms"
6. Libertines – Music When the Lights Go Out
Is it cruel to be kind not to speak my mind and to lie to you rather than hurt you // Well ill confess all of my sins after several large gins but still ill hide from you // Hide whats
inside from you // And alarm bells ring.when you say your heart still sings.when your with me // oh darling please forgive me // But i no longer hear the music
5. Cee Lo Green– Fuck You
I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like,"FUCK YOU!"
I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough, I'm like, "FUCK YOU!
And fuck her too."
4.. Grizzly Bear – Knife
I want you to know // When I look in your eyes // With every blow comes anohter lie // You think it's alright? // Can't you feel the knife?
3. The Radio Dept - Strange Things Will Happen
Today was a pretty day // No disappointments // No expectations on your whereabouts
And oh, did I let you go? // Did it finally show that strange things will happen if you let
2.. Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
But you didn't have to cut me off // Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love //But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low // Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though // Now you're just somebody that I used to know
1.Bob Dylan – It Ain’t Me Babe
How could the master of a withering put down not be number one? Take it away Bob, you old romantic you--
You say you're looking for someone // Who'll pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly // An' to come each time you call
A lover for you life an' nothing more
But it ain't me, babe
We'd love to know if anyone out there has any suggestions for classics we've missed...get commenting !