x

#{title}

#{text}

Music Blogs

3 Sisqo Videos That You Have To Watch Right Now

  • By AndyVale
  • 10 July 2013

In Year 7 Sisqo was the coolest thing on the planet. He had white hair, wrote a song about thongs, and had an album called Unleash The Dragon. There is nothing there that doesn't appeal to the tastes of a mildly rebellious 12 year old.

The Dru Hill frontman almost rivals Craig David in terms of 'I swear he was meant to be the coolest person on the planet, now where has he gone?'  The difference being, you can still listen to a lot of Sisqo's stuff without an ironic knowing wink.*

*Edit: Embarrasing auto-correct there.

The other day I found myself meticulously watching some of his old videos. I would be a cold and insensitve trouser-stain if I didn't share these golden historical artefacts with you.

Incomplete

This was the second most expensive single I ever purchased, a £6 import copy that I instantly took round my friend's house. We played Mario Party and listened to this on repeat for about 3 hours.

The highest rated comment on that video is "he´╗┐ really did sing the shit out of this song lol".

I'll be darned if that man does not sing the absolute shit out of this song. Look at him go! Such pain, it makes him want to cry-y. It's more romantic than the 'Who's Snogging Who?' bit of Celeb Weekly. At least 3 guys at my school nicked lines from this song for love letters to girls they wanted to pork.

This hit number 1 in the US, unfortunately our tastes aren't as advanced. Sisqo's piano balladry and lying on the floor screaming at the heavens didn't chime as well with us. If an argument was ever needed against our crippling stiff upper-lipped nature then here it is in crystaline form.

Look, it's probably the only video in history which employs the classic trick of the singer imagining their partner disappearing TWICE. If that doesn't warrant at least 5 plays today then you are dead inside.

Unleash The Dragon

Badman. I think I genuinely used lines from this song in a potentially violent situation. It told the world that you were a loose cannon, that you had another level. It said, "hey, I like to party just as much as the next dude. But don't push me brah."

The video was a classic dud. Kudos for trying to do the whole Michael Jackson mini-movie thing, but this did not work. You barely hear the song as it's repeatedly broken up and drowned out by the sound effects of a giant dragon coming to interrupt Sisqo's odd daytime balcony gig, which is getting major TV coverage for some reason. Instead of the song that we'd rather like to hear, we get numerous people shouting "OH SHIT" as Barney The Dinosaur's drunken older brother stalks through the streets.

Sisqo politely enquires about the giant dragon's business, then starts singing at him. The tale of St. George would be greatly improved if George had asked his foe "shorty, if ya hear me say 'Yeeeaahhh'"

At this point I am praying for a dance-off. No, just more breaking stuff. Then Ashley from Fresh Prince nearly gets killed, but Sisqo is a hero. They bone later (presumably). Sisqo acrobatically evades the dragon's offence a few times, before being forced into a stand-off down an alleyway.

How will Sisqo conquer the beast? Will he transform into another dragon? Will he call on the Power Rangers' zords? Guns? Bombs? A thunderous HADOUKEN to the creature's balls? No, he runs through the dragon's legs and the dragon falls over. This kills the dragon.

Can I repeat that bit? He defeats a dragon by running through its legs.

Humongous monster - CHECK
Destructive temper - CHECK
Ability to breathe fire - CHECK
Basic physical coordination  - Awww crud.

I'm guessing they spent all of their money on Sisqo's dragon microphone. Here's the video, it's as much of a masterpiece as I've said it is.

Thong Song

Here we go.

Seriously, a whole song with a seven figure budget about such a small garment. Right near the beginning there are at least eight coachloads of people who have come from near and far to euphorically bellow about skimpy bum-show-ers. There are back-flips, fireworks, cartwheels and helicopters all employed to celebrate the wonders of crack-floss. Look at the build from about 3:05, there's a supanova explosion depicting a feeling similar to that of winning the world cup, or your first universe being born. It's a techtonic release of Hollywood proportions that makes Shawshank look as joyful as winning a petty argument on an Internet forum. It's like the man's never seen a pair of sweet cheeks before. There's an orchestra too, I wonder if they play any J. S. Bach, Sach & Crach?

The annoying thing (for me when I was a frustrated teenager) is that the only ladies wearing a thong and showing the bum part are far away in the background. I understand the editorial decisions for this, based on the legislation put in place surrounding decency in public broadcast. But dang, no bum in a song about bums? Disgusting. It's cultural vandalism at best, jealousy at worst. 

None of that matters though, because the entire video becomes terminally weird when you consider the first 30 seconds. His daughter asks him about a discarded thong and we are led to believe that the entire video which follows is his explanation to her. I'm all for being honest with your kids. But damn Sisqo, did you have to be so enthusiastic?

BONUS: I also remembered that Sisqo appears on Will Smith's song for Wild Wild West, the best song that a terrible film has ever had. He's with the rest of Dru Hill, who mostly stay in the background and one of the members actually quit on the set of this video. Wiki-wa...

Andy is a Supajam writer who has been a small-fry at numerous Commerical, BBC and Student radio stations over the last 6 years. He is also a music promoter in the South-East of the UK. He has a website where he interviews musicians with only one question, and he is currently typing in third-person. You can tweet abuse at him if you fancy letting off some steam.

 

Comments