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Music Blogs

Justin Bieber’s Freddo Bar Revolution in the Lol Generation

  • By TheMiserableBlogger
  • 18 November 2011

Whether you love him or want to kick his fucking head in – Justin Bieber is here, and he’s here to stay, and he’s going to be here for a long, long time (unless I get my hands on him and his body’s found after  a “tragic gardening accident”. To be honest, I’m still working on the bits and pieces, if you know how to escape murder charges after wrapping a spade around somebody’s head then please do get in touch).

In 2009, a midget lesbian burst onto our television screens and came blurring out of our radio and he’s been here every day since just to remind us just how shit life can be. Now we sit here on the 18th of November 2011 and everyone, whether they like it or not, knows who he is. I reckon even poor African kids that eat their own shit for breakfast know who he is. Probably.

At the ripe old age of 17 he is already a film star, one of the biggest recording artists in the world and despite Youtube being full of delightful videos of cats playing pianos, fat people shaking their tits to Beyonce and Colonel Gadafi getting his face blown off, this kid Bieber has the most viewed Youtube clip ever. He even has his own range of toothbrushes, imagine that.  He has it all, doesn’t he?

Well, the answer to that question is no, no he does not have it all. He does not have the respect of The Miserable Blogger, but not many do to be fair. Something is happening in the world that is making people buy his records, because it’s not talent that has propelled him into the spotlight.

So, last night I sat at my desk and I searched into the depths of my soul for the answer to the question that could potentially save popular music. What is making his making this bastard more and more successful? What is coinciding with this lesbian’s record sales which could be responsible for people buying his records?

Well, ladies and gentlemen. I found the answer. The only answer it could possibly be. I’ve compiled scientific FACTS and put them in a professional graph for you all to observe. Prepare yourself for this:

There it is. Wow. After minutes of research I realised that the rise in the price of Freddo Bars have coincided with the rise in Justin Bieber Record Sales. It’s a scientific fact – A shocking one. Research is still ongoing, but it would suggest that there is an ingredient in Freddo Bars that is making us more intelligent and as prices go up and job opportunities go down, we find ourselves unable to afford these tasty chocolate snacks….4 hours later we’re singing “Baby Baby Baby” in the shower. Coincidence? I think not. I have nothing left to say, other than this:

 

Save the world, buy a Freddo

 

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