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Music Blogs

Robbie Moans That The Brits Are Dull, And He's Partly To Blame

  • By AndyVale
  • 26 February 2013

Robbie Williams has turned the air blue with a foul-mouthed non-plussed song about the dullness of the 2013 Brits. Credit where it's due, the song itself is pretty decent and amusing in a few places. Yet I can't shake the feeling that he is the last person on the planet who should be moaning about the banality of this specific industry circle-jerk.

Sorry Robbie, but The Brits and the general mainstream scene is often boring because of people like you. Act like a rock star all you like, but you had one of the most dull and Tesco-friendly singles of the year. It's easy to play the rebel once you've made all the money a man could ever need, achieving the kind of success that even some of the best often don't taste. I appreciate that you're speaking your mind, as you have a duty to do so in your position, but how did you get there?

I'm not one to take easy pot-shots at popular artists, I get what they are there to do and I like plenty of them. But you can't make a ton of often vapid, cheeky, Pop for Mums to titter and drizzle over for the best part of two decades and then expect the industry to remain vivid and exciting. Robbie may complain about how it is now if he wants, but he's been milking this system for nearly 20 years.

It's nice that somebody inside the bubble stood up and said how dull the whole thing had become this year. Usually it's an industry love-in behind closed doors with a string of Brit School alumni on the red carpet blandly saying how great it is and how fantastic it is and what an honour it is and how super everything that has ever happened in music is and what a great year for music it is.

But let's remember back to when Robbie challenged Liam Gallagher to a fight in 2000. That was entertaining, sure. What most people don't remember is the fact that he was collecting an award for his sugary and nice cover balled 'She's The One'. It won Best Video for this great video, however it was still one you could show to your nan and she would feel warm inside.

It beat the delightfully messed up 'Windowlicker' by Aphex-Twin. Imagine living in a world where the most powerful people in the industry chose to give awards to this sort of wonderfully formed typhoon of headfuckery:

My Mum would instantly turn off the TV if that came on. Kids would stay up to watch stuff like that at sleepovers, secretly tape it and then trade it round school. I'm not saying that you need to swear loads to be interesting (that's not really what was special about the video), and I'm not even knocking ballads or things that don't obliterate your mind. Sometimes things can be pleasant, unoffensive and perfectly enjoyable. Yet once you get to the core of the matter, something with a little bit of real artistic danger was all that this year's Brit Awards needed. A little spark to make the 1D boys feel nervous.

But instead, when James Cordon was sitting on popstar's tables we could see them surrounded by a bunch of middle-aged men in suits. Did they work for Mastercard or whoever was chucking all the money at the party? Were they with the labels? I don't care. But the fact is, most of them looked like they would much rather sit back and listen to some old-school Robbie than some Aphex Twin. There was never any chance that they would rant, rave, riot or allow any sort of unprepared uproar to happen. They ran this whole thing and wanted to create the ideal visual spectacle to enhance their brand and make us buy whatever it is they were selling.

These people are here because of you and your ilk Robbie. You bought them here, and now you're telling them to leave. What dreadful manners Robert, we all expected better from a nice scamp like you.

Anyway, if you want to hear Robbie's song then head over to his website.

 

Andy is a Supajam writer who has been a small-fry at numerous Commerical, BBC and Student radio stations over the last 6 years. He is also a music promoter in the South-East of the UK. He has a website where he interviews musicians with only one question, and he is currently typing in third-person. You can tweet abuse at him if you fancy letting off some steam.

 

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