Yes, this story is as simple and as beautiful as the headline suggests. One Direction- woeful saccharine teeny shite/ the new Beatles (delete as appropriate to your age and intelligence) - have suffered a chlamydia scare whilst on tour in Australia. Apparently the scare isn't, as you might have expected, from dalliances with impressionable teenage fans, but the slightly less pleasant experience of being pissed on by a koala.
According to Metro,
"Liam and Harry both took it in turns to cuddle furry female koala Kat while visiting an animal sanctuary in Brisbane. However they got more than they bargained for after Kat decided to relieve herself all over them.
Most koalas in Australia are infected with the STD chlamydia, and now the 1D boys are worried that they may be carrying it too."
Everyone's a critic, eh lads...